everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
