He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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