it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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