we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
