We're like a lot better than the average bears
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize