I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
