Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
