no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
