How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
