He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
