It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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