so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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