i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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