can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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