i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
