We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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