just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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