My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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