My Higher Power is John Stamos
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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