I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
