Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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