Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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