so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
