a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
