apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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