There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
