Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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