Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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