her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
