how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
