you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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