Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
