Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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