You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize