watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
