Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
