im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize