I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
