Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
