whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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