when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
