1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
