I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
