Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
