it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
