I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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