wakey wakey hands off snakey
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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