Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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