So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
