I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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