Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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