its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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