I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize