LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
