Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize