im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
