Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
