And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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