I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
