This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
