Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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