? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
