I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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