I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
