You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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