I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
