Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
