i need an iv and a liver transplant
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
