i permit you to call me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
